InnerTeub

So, last week was one of those weeks where you find yourself sitting on the kitchen floor spoon feeding a 100lb dog while your ceiling drip drip drips water through a light fixture. In other words, you know: totally awesome.

To sum up: My 100lb dog now weighs 80lbs and after many, many MANY te$ts at the vet, it’s boiled down to: give him these drugs, hope for the best. So we’re hoping for the best, but meanwhile he’s not eating OR sleeping, which means WE’RE not sleeping, and while I appreciate that everyone is like “oooh, great practice for a newborn!”, my thought remains: “Does getting practice for the no sleep I will get with a newborn actually make that process suck less? I mean, REALLY? Because it seems to me right now I have a vague understanding of the suck that is coming, at no appreciable benefit to me, AND I still didn’t get any sleep last night.”

So. There is that. There is also the insult to injury of water leaking, home warranties that (apparently) only selectively cover stuff that breaks, and the fact that the only way I can get my dog to eat anything is if I put it on a spoon and hand it to him. Now if you can imagine what occurs when you try to spoon feed something that DOESN’T HAVE LIPS, while you literally have ceiling plaster falling around you, as a precursor to a night that included two loudly barking dogs bringing forth wrath of an otherwise soundly sleeping eight month old (not mine) (the 8 month old. And one of the dogs. Look, it was a weird day, Ok?) and multiple phone conversations with repair people who decided to tell you at 9pm (and not, say, 5pm, when you first called) that they only repair stuff during daylight, you will understand how I came to mainline scotch on the kitchen floor with the Boss.

Sick Puppy