A friend of mine had a baby via IVF using donor sperm, as she and her spouse couldn’t get pregnant together. Happens all the time.
They are moving to Atlanta and are required to go through a legal adoption process, as the donor sperm (apparently) means the baby is only technically the mom’s, as it was her egg, and not her spouse’s sperm. This requires, among other things, social worker visits to their home to determine if it is a “fit” home (btw, that cost is $700), along with all other fees associated with legal adoption, which I last heard estimated at about $10,000.
We should be outraged, right, because that is ridiculous. Married couples have babies using donor eggs and sperm all the time, and the parentage is never legally called into question. Unless, of course, it’s two married women (which in this case it is), and then, well. Adoption for you. Please leave your $10k and understanding of “separate but equal” at the door.
InnerTeub 
Hey, I’m the friend in question! A couple things- we didn’t have to use IVF to get pregnant, just IUI (intra-uterine insemination).
I don’t know much about the process to adopt a completely non-biological child, but I’m gonna assume the $10,000 figure is if you use a private agency to do it. If you foster-to-adopt via the state (children who are taken from their biological parents by the state are “wards of the state” and are placed in foster care until either the biological parents shape up or their parental rights are terminated, clearing the child for adoption by someone else), the cost is lower, maybe more like $2K, but you might be at it FOR YEARS waiting for a child who is legally free.
Our cost will most likely end up being around $1000, what with filing fees and this fucking home visit, which, while it SOUNDS LIKE it’s just a formality, could indeed result in the adoption request being denied.
Yes, let’s just call them civil unions. It’s EXACTLY the same.
I would write millions of more words, but the baby in question is crying like it wants my attention or some shit.
Nicely put.
While reading this I thought (okay, I assumed) it was about a hetero couple and was getting upset at the hoops having to be jumped through. Then, your ending surprised me, shocked me, and pissed me off as well. Shhheeesh. Thank you for opening my eyes.
Such a load of poo.
This gives me insane, eye-twitching rage. I have two friends who are dealing with this issue in immigration. One American, one English. They met during study abroad in grad school. They’ve been together for nearly 8 years, married for 3.5 of those. The hurdles they’ve had to jump through so they can stay in the same country together are insane. When one lost her job she had to find another for work sponsorship and get her visa that way. So they can stay together. (Immigration issues are another rage issue entirely.) The amount of money they’ve had to spend to sort this out and the amount of money the employer of the one have had to put into this is absurd. Because they can’t do it the ‘easy’ way with a Green card sponsorship by marriage. (still not remotely easy.) Of course, this also means that they’ve put off having kids until a Green Card is obtained so they don’t have to deal with all of the regular issues plus the threat of deportation.
They’re legally married at the state level (CT) and they’re legally married in Great Britain. So why don’t they live there? They’re both Episcopalian priests and the Church of England does not allow priests to be openly gay.
I have friends who had to do this, ON TOP of the IVF & endless Dr. fees (more so since the one getting pregnant didn’t have insurance), had to adopt their own 2 year old child, in their own state. FUCKING INSANE. The RAGE.
Yet dumbasses reproduce without any child welfare checks & gov’t support. The whole system around this makes me so angry.