You know how new running socks are like the best things in the world?
(Wait, non-runners, come back! I know you’re all “OMG, LIZ, AGAIN WITH THE RUNNING!” But stick with me I promise this not athlete-specific; I am truly only referencing those running socks that you buy at Target in 10-packs and wear with sneaks, any kind of sneaks, running not required sneaks)
Anyway, those socks are so awesome, when they are new, yes? But they are NEVER new, right? Because: who buys socks? You HAVE socks. You do not need new socks, ever. Even if you have old and grungy socks, you do not need new ones, because old and grungy socks: still socks. It’s not like you’re out of toothpaste and can be all “whatevs, I bet there is still some left on the brush” – that would be ridiculous; you buy new toothpaste. But you will never, ever buy new socks – you have socks. You are not buying new ones.
But I do recall this one time when I did, in fact, by new socks. I was in high school, and OH, I was so stoked. I picked up a Target six pack of white ankle athletic socks, and man: Big Time. New Socks. And then I lost them. Well, you can’t really LOSE socks in your own home, but my mom is one of those “Everything in it’s place!” kind of people and I was more of one of those “Don’t organize my mess, I know where everything is and if you touch it the system is RUINED!” kind of people (ed note: I am still one of those people) (my mom note: sigh).
ANYWAY. I lost the socks. But then like a week later I saw my older brother, home from college for the summer, come in from a run and pull off: MY SOCKS. He’d worn my BRAND NEW SOCKS running and RUINED them with his stinky BOY feet. When I saw this as was all “<blood vessels popping> MY NEW SOCKS!!!!”, he looked at me and was like “Yeah, aren’t new socks the best? These were a little small, but I pushed through, I mean: new socks. You know.”
(If you guys ever want to know what being a little sister is like: that, right there, is what being a little sister is like. Being validated in your opinion while still robbed of the joy of it = Little Sisterhood)
ANYWAY. AGAIN. SOCKS. Flash forward to today: I am a grown woman. I have a job. I have cash. I am empowered to SOLVE THIS PROBELM. And so I did! I FINALLY was like “Damnit, that $6.99 is committed, I am buying these damn socks because I am worth it, for the love.”
So! Finally. New socks. A house that does not include my brother. What could possibly go wrong?
Oh, goddamnit.
InnerTeub 
I just loved this whole post. This. Whole. Post.
Yes, new sock! Alas, I haven’t had any in, like, forever. And now I want some.
Did some sock manufacturer put you up to this post?? LOL
HA, god I WISH. New socks for everyone! Stayed tuned for the giveaway!
Ha ha ha oh man. My dog loves socks, too, but only AFTER they’ve been worn. (I know, gross.)
Hilariously, my dog will take socks in any form, dirty or not. He will root his little puppy nose through a pile of CLEAN laundry and specifically pull out CLEAN sock and be all ” SOCK! I found a SOCK!
New socks! Sounds like I need to visit 🙂 Thank God Moose is there to have my bad in the meantime.
He’s looking out for his Uncle Mike, for reals
I too enjoy new socks, especially that halcyon time when they are all still with their mates. Occasionally I splurge on a pair of Smartwool socks, and found out the hard way that lanolin is irresistible to my dog. She doesn’t care for the Target variety, though. That was an expensive lesson.
Ha! This made me laugh so hard. It’s the little things. And you’ve reminded me that I actually need more socks.