A few weeks ago I scraped my car against the side of a cement post while making a sharp right hand turn into the gas pump. (Follow? Needed gas, had to position car close enough to pump in order to um, pump, cut the turn too close, scrapped the back passenger door/wheel well on the post that was there to um, prevent cars from cutting that turn too close.)
In my defense: it was 5:30 in the morning and I’d been up since 4am with a dog that has gotten so conditioned to the morning park/hike/walk thing we’ve been doing that he cannot possibly wait until, you know, the SUN comes up, so my getting gas at 5:30 en route to the trail head was my way of procrastinating until it got light enough to go there and the coffee shop drive through opened up so GIVE ME A BREAK IT WAS PRE DAWN AND I HAD HAD NO COFFEE
(In my non-defense: this is so not the first time I have had this kind of accident. Not just “scrapping the car” type of accident, but, by my count, this is at the very least the third time I have scrapped a car in the EXACT SAME SPOT (rear passenger side door/wheel). Guys, I dunno. It’s a spacial perception thing or a TOO MANY DAMN THINGS IN MY WAY thing or … I don’t know. I’m a good driver and have a relatively low accident/speeding ticket to time spent driving ratio, but … right hand turns, man. The death of me. )
(What this means to me is I obviously need a mini, right? Smaller car would solve, this RIGHT?)
(Anyway.)
ANYWAY! So after much groveling and apologizing and general feeling-bad-ing about it, I sack up and call our insurance to get this taken care of. Now, I love our insurance people. I am only half joking when I say one of the top five perks of marrying my husband was access to USAA. They are phenomenal. And sure enough, in the space of a ten minute phone call (dial to hand up), the USAA rep had arranged for an appointment at a body shop nearby, arranged for a rental car to meet me there, and assured me that it would all be super painless and easy. But the best part? The very very best part of this entire incident?”
Customer Service Rep: “So would you say the cement pillar came out of nowhere, then?”
Me: “… yes”
Customer Service Rep: “Well, that happens. Were any cement pillars harmed as a result of them unexpectedly jumping into the path of your car?”
Me: “…no”
WERE ANY CEMENT PILLARS HARMED. You guys, I can’t even. I love this nameless Customer Service Rep. Now THAT is how you take an auto insurance claim.
InnerTeub 
I find I’m assuming the Rep is male. If I’m right, would you please call him back and ask if he’s available? Thx.
Ha! Actually, this was a female rep, which made the situation even funnier when she was like “Will you or you husband be dropping of the car… oh wait, probably you, right? I’m guessing he wants nothing to do with this” and I burst out laughing because… yes. This was one of those times my husband just pretened the situation wasn’t happening and was like “Tell me when it’s over and I can look at the right side of our car again”
I love, love, love USAA! I have them for everything. And while you can say it is in the top 5 perks of marrying your husband, I can say it was the only perk of being married to my ex. I got to keep my USAA membership when we divorced. I have only had one bad experience with them in the 8 years I have had their services.
Wait, you can keep USAA when you get divorced? GAME CHANGER.
(kidding)
They did away with that policy. True story.
I adore USAA. They are awesome in everything I have ever used them for. Best insurance ever. They don’t do homeowner’s insurance in Florida, but they covered us for like five months when we moved there ANYWAY to give me time to find a new company. Can you think of any other company that would do that?
I guess you’re just not an ambi-turner. Not everyone is. You and Derek Zoolander finally have something in common (although he can’t turn left and you can’t go right).
I LOVE USAA as well, have never had an issue with them. Well, I take that back, we did have a homeowner adjuster issue once, but with a few calls we got a new adjuster out and all was fine after that. I have had them for several claims on vehicles over the last decade and always been super satisfied. Oh, one of those claims happened to be at a gas station as well, although I still blame that one on the snow 😉